Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Watch Your Thoughts

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”    -  Laozi

This phrase has haunted my dreams. It is so simple yet so powerful.   Something as simple as the way I think can ultimately determine who I become. The really scary thing is that I know this is true. I have seen it in my own life.  I have caught myself thinking negatively about an issue then when asked about it I spoke negatively about it. When the issue finally came to a head I acted negatively and that negativity spurred the next issue and it was very difficult to not start the process all over again.
When my parents got divorced I became a very negative person. I didn't trust people and wasn't a person worth trusting in. This negativity led me ultimately into a life of drinking and thoughts of suicide. On more than one occasion I stuck a knife to my arm and prayed, ACTUALLY PRAYED, for the strength to end my life. By the grace of God I never did, but I went to college still broken, angry and alone. Only after a night of drinking myself nearly to death did I decide I didn't want to live that way. Did you catch that? I decided! I chose... a different path. The change in my thought process started a chain reaction that brought me into a relationship with Jesus, with people who loved me, and ultimately created the person I am today.
While I am free from the thoughts of suicide, there is still a daily struggle to guard my thoughts against negativity. One the exercises that Stephen Covey suggests in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" is to visualize an experience in your life that stresses you out. Visualize how you want the experience to go, making it a positive experience. In doing this exercise, I have seen how negative my thought process can be. It has been a real struggle for me to not visualize the worst case scenario. The other day I visualized an issue I was having at work and tried to think about it positively. I eventually gave up on this exercise because no matter how hard I tried it always ended up with people yelling and me quitting my job. Not very positive...
I have learned the battle for me is still in my mind. I've noticed when I need to have an uncomfortable conversation or if there is a stressful situation in my life I tend to envision the worst case scenario.  This is definitely an area I need to work on. I hope that this hits a cord with you and helps to spark a change in your life. Let's work on this together!

Cheers!

Friday, February 28, 2014

The Wrong Wall

I've been absent for about a week. My bad! I wish I had some good excuse as to why I haven't written, but to be honest I didn't feel like I had much to say. I took some time to listen and learn from others. It was a much needed recharging of my mind. I started reading Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and it has really caused me to reevaluate my motives and purpose. He talks a lot about principles and values and understanding where they come from. He describes the difference between a "Personality Ethic" and "Principle Ethic" life.
The personality ethic is where we find the "quick-fix" approach to life and business. If I say the right thing in the right way, then I will get the right result. If I wear the right clothes and smile the right way, then people will trust what I say. The problem with this is it never EVER gets to the heart of the real issue. It ignores the foundational beliefs and values you hold dear. Living this way leaves us feeling empty, unsatisfied and the results do not last. We are then forced to dive into another book or seminar in order to figure out how we can continue to fool those around us and even ourselves. Unfortunately, a large group of people live this way. It's not to say that they are not successful or give the appearance of being happy and in control of their life. The underlying issue is the foundation they live their life on is, as the old hymn says, "on sinking sand". When a new problem arises they have to find a new system in order to combat it. They live a stressed and chaotic life because they only deal with the symptoms of an issue and never the issue itself. They are in desperate need of a heart transplant and instead they pull the old bandage off and put a new one on the problem and call the procedure a success.
Alternatively, individuals who live a "Principle Ethic" life are at peace. They have taken a long, intimate look into their life and determined their core values and beliefs. Now having this understanding they begin to lay a foundation on which they will live their life. Their "personal mission statement" would look something like this:
"I believe in Jesus and will live my life according to His instruction. I will listen to my children and love them with great intensity even when they have done wrong. I will love my wife as Christ loves the church. I will be a friend a friend would like to have. I will do business with integrity and never compromise to make a buck. I will admit my mistakes and be humble. I will listen more than I speak. I will be an eternal learner and become a master of my chosen craft. I will give of my money and time to those who are in need. I will have fun and be silly. I will not take myself too seriously. I will strive to make real difference in the lives of those around me."

As you might have guessed, this is my mission statement. This statement is the foundation on which I will attack all problems and issues in my life. I am not forced to change the way I respond to each new issue because this statement defines who I am as a person and tells me what my values are. By looking at this statement it reminds me what is most important and from it I can make the decision that best aligns with who I am and who I want to be. It is not to say I will not tweak this in some ways over time. I will grow and experience new things and as I do I may want to add or change certain parts of my mission statement. Regardless, this is my road map. Stephen Covey makes a great point in that people will work hard to climb the ladder of success, only to discover that all the time the ladder had been leaning against the wrong wall. I want to make sure I have my ladder on the right wall. It does me no good to exert the effort to climb the ladder if it is leaned against the wrong wall. When I reach the top I am actually further away from where I want to be. Let's strive to be people of principle, of value! Let's make decisions based on foundational beliefs and by understanding who we are and want to be. If you don't know where to start, then pick up Covey's book. It's the road map to your road map.

Cheers!


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Rhythm in Twenty

Recently, my friend Trevor and I have been discussing my future. I know I want to spend my life encouraging and leading others, but really haven't been able to define how to do that. Trevor turned me on to Rhythm in Twenty and I must say I am impressed so far. They describe themselves as, "...a team of people spanning three generations – asking the same questions that you are. We are dying to lead well, care for ourselves and our families, and finish the journey well. We don’t have all the answers, nor will we ever, but we are committed to the journey, and long to pursue God with all that we’ve got. We want to constantly be listening, changing and taking steps toward our dreams. We have experience that has stood the test of time and that is being tested daily".

Basically, they exist to cultivate leaders and relationships between leaders in order to further the kingdom of God. They do this by gathering together twenty men and having them make a three year commitment to meet together, share ideas and struggles, all the while growing their knowledge, leadership skills and relationship with God. Needless to say, but I'm in love! I contacted them in hopes of being able to go with the next group. I went through and application process and an interview. I was so stoked yesterday to find out that, in their words, "I'm in!" I have high hopes that this will be a huge step in helping determine what this idea or "calling" is on my life. Wish me luck and I will let you all know how it goes.

Sorry for the short post today, but I just wanted to get this out there. Also, if you're interested in checking it out just follow the link above. It will explain things in greater detail and guide you down the path.  Much love and...

Cheers!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Deathbed Literature: Life is an Occasion

Have you ever thought about your last words will be? The final note in the symphony that was your life. I was listening to Stephen R. Covey's book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and he made reference to the fact that no one ever goes to the grave wishing they had watched more television or played more video games. Most people say they wished they had more time with family and friends, or wished they had spent more time on things that really mattered. This got me thinking about two things. First, what do I want my last words to be? Second, what am I going to wish I had spent more time doing or being? I promise this isn't going to be a depressing post! Let's dive in!
Mostly for dramatic effect I want to leave the first question for last so let's take a look at where I will wish I spent my time/who I wanted to be?  I think I will look back and wish I spent more time doing things of true value. What I mean is that often when the choice arises to either do something of value or something fun and entertaining I choose fun. Don't get me wrong, we should have fun. Entertainment is a valuable part of the human experience, but it becomes too easy to choose it over something worthwhile because fun is easier.  It requires less of me. What a horrible reason to do anything! The good thing is I think I have some time to change this. A lot of time I hope. Here are the steps I am going to follow in order to make better choices when it comes to my time. I hope you use these steps also and we both will have a life filled with value and not just fun.

1. Determine what we value. (Family, friends, God, goals, etc.)
2. Where do we spend our time now. (Actually keep track. The results will frighten us!)
3. Where do we need to change. (Make a list. Rate them on importance and time spent currently on the area in need of change. Example: #1 Watching TV - 3 hours/day - )
4. Attack one area at a time. (Write out what we want to fill our time with. Remember it's ok to have fun so don't cut out "Watching TV" all together. Just trim it down. Example: Spend an hour writing a blog everyday. Spend another hour with my wife and daughter. Spend hour three watching TV. Do this for all the areas and see how it goes)
5. Review Results. (After a few weeks we need to take inventory of our "new life". See if there are areas we need to make changes and also take inventory of how you feel about it. )
6. Stay the course! (This is probably the hardest step. We will get lazy and start to sink back into our old ways. It's inevitable. First of all, forgive ourselves! We are allowed to make mistakes. Second, remember why we wanted to make these changes and then get back on the horse.)

Let me know how it's going for you and I will do the same. Take control of your time. It is the only thing you can give to someone and not get back.

Now to my last words. I have put a lot of thought in to this and I here's what I've come up with...


Cheers!



Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Balance & Obsession

If you want a good life, you need a balanced life, right? I'm not so sure anymore. I have been reading ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd's book "You Herd Me!". Whether on the radio or in his book, Colin does not mix words. He says exactly what he thinks and does not apologize for it. He is also insightful, educated, and thorough. I appreciate how much research he does before he speaks. He rarely is the guy breaking the news story, but when he finally gives his opinion it is always well thought out and creative.
Having said that, in his book he writes about how the general public has this understanding that life operates best with equal parts work, family, friends, etc. He argues that successful people would disagree.  He says, "Is it possible that this premise - one of our longest-held and least-questioned - is mostly one giant crock? ...How can that be? How can such a vital and universally acknowledged key to happiness not be, in fact, a key to happiness? ...I can only speak for guys since ... well, I am one. But after forty-nine years on this planet, most of it spent observing and then discussing teams and people, I'm going rogue right here: Unbalanced Guy? He's doing just fine."
This got me thinking, "When have I been the happiest?" I recall a few key instances where I was supremely happy. The first was when I worked at Tomoka Christian Church. I lived and breathed that job. I worked morning and night with the youth leader, Craig. I was often so tired after Wednesday night group I would sleep until lunch on Thursday. I lived in a hazing fog of exhaustion and sleep deprivation... and I loved it! I felt important and needed. I always had this huge sense of accomplishment because I knew I was a part of something far bigger than myself.
The second was getting married. I asked Allie to marry me without a ring because I couldn't afford one. We actually ended up making money on the ring she finally picked out because we exchanged it for all the old gold jewelry she had. Classy, right? We had a sense of pride in all of this because we were determined to have a wedding and honeymoon no matter the circumstances. We called in favors, used up our family's free plane tickets, and even accepted an invitation from her ex-boyfriend to pay for our reception hall. We were relentless in reaching our goal! When the day came to make her my wife I was literally speechless the first time I saw her. I knew we were in love and willing to battle for each other because of all we endured and sacrificed. We even found a way to spend our honeymoon in Belgium and Paris. We had exceeded our own expectations through hard work and prayer. Kissing my bride with the Eiffel Tower as the backdrop made all of our hard work extremely gratifying.
In retrospect, I have been the happiest when I was completely obsessed with something.  It consumed my thoughts, drove my intentions, and drained my strength. Think back in your life and see when you were the happiest. I bet you will find it was a time when you worked incessantly on something. It could be getting a college degree, during a mission trip, preparing for and having a baby, or something of the like. Of course we need to have balance to a certain extent. I firmly believe if you exceed at a great many things and fail as a husband then you have failed. My point is that I don't want us to cruise through life. I see people everyday that half-ass their work because they aren't fully committed to it. I see husbands and wives drift a part because they aren't willing to spend the extra time needed to work through their issues. I want to be obsessed about getting to know my wife better. I want to be fully committed to my job (even if I hate it)!
In order to do these things we may have to forgo spending time with other people or work through lunch on occasion. It's worth it! Don't forget that word: Worth. I didn't say it would be easier or more relaxing. I said it will bring worth to your life and to the lives of those around you. Figure out what you truly love, what you should be deeply committed to and then get crazy obsessed about it!

Friday, February 7, 2014

5 Classic Cocktails Every Man Should Know

This is a post from one of my favorite sites: Art of Manliness. In my opinion, they are the who's who when it comes to manly insight and advice. If you're a guy then you need to follow AoM.
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Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Mike Hagan, a  bartender and a recent feature in our So You Want My Job Series.
There’s been a trend lately to get back to the old way of doing things, especially when it comes to things we ingest. People are eating organic produce, for example, and some are going as far as planting their own gardens. Many chefs are serving old-world comfort food right next to their innovative dishes. This trend has also entered the world of libations. Drink menus around the country are starting to have more of the old classics included on them. Many mixologists are using these cocktails as starting points for newer versions that take advantage of the plethora of products out there today. Recipe books from classic bars such as the Old Waldorf-Astoria, The Savoy, and the Stork Club are available in reprint editions for the new generation to use. And who can forget Old Mr. Boston? They’ve been printings those books since 1935 and still do to this day.
But you don’t need a recipe book to get started mixing up some of the classic cocktails men have been drinking for decades (and in some cases, more than a century). Here’s how to create the 5 classic cocktails every man should know.
Let’s make some drinks!

1.  The Old Fashioned

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The Old Fashioned is a bourbon based cocktail, but try it with any whisky. You may find you like the sweeter taste of a Canadian whisky, the more sour taste of the Tennessee stuff, or, for some complexity, use rye. This drink uses a short round glass, sometimes called an Old Fashioned glass, after the drink itself.
Put 1 sugar cube in glass
Add 2-3 dashes of Angostura bitters
Add 1 Splash of Soda Water
Muddle (smash) until sugar is dissolved
Fill glass with ice cubes
Add whiskey to the top of the glass, stir
Garnish with an orange slice and maraschino cherry
Notes on Muddling: To muddle just means to smash. You can use whatever is at your disposal. Some bartenders muddle with the back of their bar spoon for light muddling and use a muddler (basically a wooden dowel about the width of a broom handle) for more intense smashing.
Variations:
For a sweeter drink, add more sugar or muddle a peeled orange slice along with the sugar and bitters. For a weaker drink, use less whisky and top with soda water. Use just whiskey, sugar, and bitters to make the Sazerac (swirl the glass with absinthe and dump out before filling for a true one).

2.  The Manhattan

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Image by larryvincent
Another whiskey based cocktail, more of a variation on a Martini. Where the Martini is gin and dry vermouth, the Manhattan is whiskey and sweet vermouth. And don’t forget the bitters! Angostura or Peychaud’s works fine.
  • 3 parts Canadian or Rye Whiskey
  • 1 part Sweet (Red) Vermouth
  • 1 dash bitters
Make in mixing glass filled with ice. Stir until very cold (stirring is very important to help the ice melt to water it down a bit and make it more palatable). Pour into cocktail glass and garnish with a maraschino cherry.
Variations:
Trade the whiskey for scotch to make it a Rob Roy. Trade with brandy for a Metropolitan. If you desire the drink to be sweeter, add some juice from the maraschino cherries.

3.  The Tom Collins

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The Tom Collins is a classic long drink. It’s a cool, summer drink, built over ice and served in a tall, slender glass, often called a Collins glass. It’s gin-based, sweet and bubbly.
  • 1 1/2 oz Gin
  • 1/2 oz Simple Syrup*
  • Juice of 1/2 Lemon
  • Soda Water
Shake Gin, Simple Syrup and Lemon Juice over ice. Fill Collins glass with ice and strain drink into glass. Top with soda water and gently stir. Garnish with orange slice and maraschino cherry.
*Note about Simple Syrup. Simple syrup can be purchased, but it’s easy to make yourself. Heat a cup of water almost to boil and add a cup of sugar, stirring until completely dissolved. Let cool and add to a container for storage. Should be kept in refrigerator. To make bigger quantities, just make sure to use equal parts sugar and water.
Variations:
Trade vodka for gin to make a Vodka Collins, tequila for a Juan Collins, or rum for a Rum Collins. If you choose to use whiskey and take out the soda water, you’ve essentially made a whiskey sour.

4.  The Sidecar

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A popular French cocktail, as it uses two liquors made in France. Can be served in a sour glass (a smaller version of an old fashioned glass) or up in a cocktail glass
  • 3/4 ounce Cointreau
  • 3/4 ounce lemon juice
  • 1 1/2 ounces cognac
Shake over ice and pour into sugar rimmed glass. Garnish with lemon twist.
Variations:
This recipe is the “french school.” The English school” calls for a slightly less sweet drink, using more Cognac and less Cointreau, about 3 parts to 1 part, and 1 part lemon juice.

5.  The Martini

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Image by peapicker
Last, but not least, we have the Martini. The most argued about cocktail in the history of drinking. Stir or shake? Vermouth or none? Glass or metal tin? The Martini is THE drink that signifies nightlife and cocktails in general. When someone needs to use one image to symbolize drinking, more often than not, it’s the Martini. That sexy glass, clear liquor, green olive with red pimento. Makes me thirsty just thinking about it.
I’m going to give you the International Bartender’s Association’s official recipe, then explain the countless variations.
  • 4 parts Gin
  • 1 part dry vermouth (sometimes called French or white vermouth)
Pour all ingredients into mixing glass over ice and stir well. Strain into chilled cocktail glass. Squeeze lemon peel over the drink, discard. Garnish with one green olive.
Variations:
The variations on the Martini could fill a whole book. Keep in mind there is no “right” way, only the way you want your drink. I’ll list a few of the most popular.
Vodka Martini: use vodka in place of gin, garnish with lemon twist
Churchill: A Martini with no vermouth. Basically cold gin in a glass. Legend has it Churchill would “look in the direction of France” and that would be plenty of vermouth.
Roosevelt: Two olives instead of one. Even number of olives is considered bad luck by some.
Dirty Martini: Add olive brine to taste.
Burnt Martini: Uses scotch instead of vermouth.
Buckeye: Martini with a black olive.
Gibson: Martini with an onion instead of an olive.
Dickens: Martini with no garnish. No “olive or twist”.
Vesper Martini: 3 parts Gin, 1 part Vodka, 1/2 part Lillet, lemon twist, shaken, not stirred. James Bond’s martini. Also called a 007.
Bradford: A standard Martini shaken, not stirred.
Notes on vermouth: when someone orders their Martini “dry” or “extra dry” that means to use LESS dry vermouth. People will order a Martini with no vermouth, not knowing that they’re ordering a Churchill. Some prefer the “in-and-out” method, which means to pour vermouth over ice into the mixing glass you’ll be using for the Martini and dumping it straight out before adding the Gin. Some will order a “Perfect” Martini, which in the cocktail world means equal parts sweet and dry vermouth. Others will order a “Sweet” Martini, meaning the use of sweet vermouth is preferred over dry. These will be garnished with a cherry.
Notes on garnishes: Traditionally, a single green olive or a lemon rind twist is used. Using a cocktail onion makes it a Gibson. One of the origin stories is, an American diplomat who did not drink would ask that his glass be filled with water and garnished with an onion instead of an olive so he could pick his glass out of a sea of Martinis. There are a few others. No one really knows the truth, which is part of the fun. Some people garnish with pickled okra, jalapeno peppers, pickles, lemon twists, lime twists. The possibilities are endless.
Notes on stirring or shaking: Traditionally, the drink is stirred. Some people believe shaking causes tiny bubbles which don’t allow for the drink to fully hit the tongue, making it unable to cleanse the palate fully between courses of food. Or that it “bruises the gin” making it taste sharper and less palatable. Others claim that shaking is the way to go, that “bruising the gin” is preferred because it releases the botanical oils in the gin and makes for a more floral drink. There is a taste difference, and it is a matter of preference.
These are five classic cocktails, and with the variations, many more. There are many I left out, and some of you will have your favorites that I didn’t include. I tried to choose ones that are classic, popular, easy to make, and have stood the test of time, so you can do it at home. Enjoy, have fun, and hopefully you’ll find an new favorite in an old classic.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Why So Serious?

First of all, thank you to everyone who has checked out my blog so far! My biggest concern writing a blog was that no one would ever read it, but so many people have already checked it out! I am greatly encouraged to keep writing. Again, Thanks!!!
I am going to assume that most of you have seen The Dark Knight and understand the context of the phrase "Why so serious?". If you haven't seen this movie, do yourself a favor and check it out. Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker was one of the best I have ever seen. I read that he began staying at a hotel during the filming because he was so in character that he was terrifying his children.  Yikes! Got side tracked... Moving on! Allie and I had a conversation about blogs this weekend. We noticed that a lot of blogs (mine included) try to finish each post with some grand statement of truth or insight into the human condition. This then begs the question, "Why so serious?" Don't get me wrong. I love to learn new things, but some times I just want to hear a funny story or learn about an interesting side to another person's life. I want to feel as if I'm not the only one going crazy or simply wants to hear a good joke. I just want to laugh and not apologize for it!
In the spirit of this realization, today I am going to tell you a story about me.  My family would say this story encompasses me as an individual.  I think they're right.  I grew up on the outskirts of a very small town in southern Illinois.  I lived on ten acres of land and had a lot of time to myself. I would often be found in my room playing with my wrestling action figures or pretending to be Indiana Jones in my treehouse. However, on this fateful day I was riding my three-wheeler around the yard. Let me preface this story by saying that my father had sat me down earlier that morning and explained to me that I must always watch where I am going and never, for any circumstances, turn around and look behind me. Let's call this my Shakespeare moment because just as the message is not delivered to Juliet and in turn a tragedy ensues so this message did not make it to its intended target. I am making what was probably my third or fourth lap around the house when something beside me caught my eye. I cannot remember whether it was my dog or my brother, but regardless I turned my head all the way around to watch what was going on. The next thing I know the three-wheeler is headed into the air and upside down.  I had somehow positioned myself in line with the swing set so perfectly that the front tire turned the angled support beam into a ramp. Remember that this was in the late 80's, early 90's and safety was not a huge concern, which meant that I had no helmet or protection of any kind.  Luckily, I jumped off just as the three-wheeler was flipping over backwards and I rolled to safety. The three-wheeler, however, was not so lucky. I had shattered most of the front end and busted the headlight. It was in this moment that I realized two things. First, the conversation my father and I had about an hour before finally started making sense. Second, he would be at work for the next 7-8 hours which should give me plenty of time to come up with a good excuse. I pondered and thought and pondered and thought. Nothing was coming to mind that would explain how the three-wheeler ended upside down or why mom seemed to think it was my fault.  The hour arrived and he pulled into the drive. I had my story and I was going to stick to it! My dad gets right to the point and says, "I only have one question for you. You were looking behind you when you hit the swing, weren't you?" I had been waiting for this moment. I knew that would be the question he would ask. My heart pounding, I said with confidence, "Now dad, calm down! I was not looking behind me. I had one eye going that way", as I pointed behind me, "and one eye going that way", as I pointed to the front. I had done it! There was no way he could prove or disprove my story. No one could know for sure whether this is what actually happened. What happened next, however, I did not expect. My father, being the wise and deductive man that he is asked me one more thing. "Show me", he said with a look of great satisfaction on his face. I was determined to play my lie out to the end so I began wiggling my eyes back and forth rapidly. A small, but noticeable grin came across my dad's face briefly and I knew that I had done it. While he may not have believed my story, it was grand enough (and ridiculous enough) to make him laugh, even if it only on the inside.  We settled on a punishment that involved chopping enough firewood to sell in order to pay for the damaged three-wheeler, but did not involve being unable to sit for a week. It seemed like a pretty fair deal.


Enjoy your week and remember... ah forget it, just enjoy your week!